My phobia without a name

Hi, my name is Jasmine and I'm afraid of spending money.

There, I said it. I have a serious issue with spending money on big ticket items. I suppose this makes my life a bit easier than those who can spend freely and wind up deep in debt, but it can be difficult from this end too. Yes, I have a significant amount of debt myself (student loans, a shiny new mortgage), but otherwise we are debt-free individuals. We even have two retirement accounts and a chunk of money in the stock market. Ok, I married into those.

I think my fear of spending money comes from the fact that in my entire adult life I have never earned a reasonable salary. I've been a student for eight years now, and although my earnings have increased over the years, when compared with regular working adults it is a pittance. It has made me Frugal, yes with a capital F.

I've rubbed off a bit on Nick since we've shared finances. As someone who has in fact earned real live wages since graduating college four years ago, he used to be a bit more spendy with his money. Now, he questions nearly every purchase. We don't buy things that cost more than $10 without discussing it with the other first because those purchases add up.

All of this is to say that I've been browsing furniture online in the last few days and have felt my stomach drop more than a few times when looking at the price tag. We somehow managed to move into our new home some 1300 square feet larger than our former apartment and have only purchased one small couch that wasn't even completely necessary to fill the space. We don't have nice furniture, but we do have what we need. When I moved to Philly two years ago, I came only with what fit in my little car (plus about 8 boxes of books I shipped ahead) and furnished my apartment with the cheapest things I could find at Ikea and on craigslist. Now that I have a real home, where I feel less like a migrant, I've been browsing for some nicer pieces of furniture, specifically a nicer dining set. I think I spent a total of $75 on a brand new table and two dining chairs at Ikea, if that gives you some sense of their quality (or lack thereof).

I was not prepared for the cost of dining room furniture. I have NO experience buying furniture other than that mentioned in the previous paragraph, so this has been a learning experience. How much do you think this set costs:

If you guessed $800, that's too low!! If you guessed $1000, still too low!! I'll give you a hint: it's right between $1299 and $1301. !!!!!!!!!!! I don't even like it that much! Do you know what I can do with money like that?!?

This is fun. How much do you think this one is:

I'm not going to make you wait. It's $1500!!!!! I like this one a bit better than the last one. I can't even show you the ones that I do like, because they make me sick to stomach when I think of their price.

It's a conundrum. I love nice things. I want things that will last. But I hate the thought of spending so much money. I'm much less afraid of spending hundreds of dollars on other things, like car repairs, plane tickets, plumbing jobs, or dental work. There's something about throwing so much money at STUFF that I just can't quite handle.

Maybe someday when we have an income that resembles what a typical household with two earners and no children I can start to consider upgrading our STUFF. At this point in time, I'll settle for the homey house with the lousy furniture because I'm aware that we don't need any of that stuff. The home I'm not so sure I could do without since I'm rather attached to it at this point. Granted, it's a really big thing that could go in the STUFF category, but it's nice to be building a home, regardless of the cost or quality of the furniture inside.