Almost ABD

It's hard to believe that it's already been ten days since the final segment of my preliminary exams, the oral exam. Then again, it feels like ages ago. Even though I have a massive to-do list today and haven't made much of a dent in it, I wanted to take a few minutes to write about these exams that made me a crazy stressed out person for the last six months or so.

Soooo, if you are getting your PhD, you have to meet certain requirements. Every department and discipline is a bit different, but for an art history PhD at Temple, you have to complete 30 hours of coursework, pass two language exams, pass the preliminary exams, and write a dissertation. I took care of those first two requirements ages ago, which left preparation for my exams. The first thing I did was to come up with "fields", a broad field and a specialty field. I did this last January and February. My broad field was art in Italy, 1563-1667. There are specific reasons for those seemingly random dates, but I won't go into that here. My specialty field was entitled something like "Historical Consciousness in the late Renaissance and Baroque in Rome and Venice." What that means is investigating how artists, patrons, antiquarians, and scholars looked to and understood the ancient past, both pagan and Christian. So, I was examining archaeological practices, historical writings, collectors of antiquities, catacomb explorations, and church renovation, to name a few of the issues. I love this stuff. The specialty field is supposed to be preparation for the dissertation, and it was for me, but more on that later.

So, I read and read and read and read, not only to understand these topics better, but more importantly to understand what scholars have already said about these things. The exams are basically historiography exams, meaning that I needed to understand what the state of the research is and form opinions on where it might go next, what has worked in the past, and what new strategies might be useful to understanding the history of art.

November 20 was my broad field exam. I sat in a room for almost 9 hours answering 4 questions. I had 6 to choose from. Each essay was about 7 pages. November 24 was my specialty field exam. Here I had to pick 2 out of 4 questions and I had 7 total hours in which to answer them. These days were less painful than it sounds, but the pressure leading up to it is really intense. Finally, my oral exams was on December 1. Here, I sat around a conference table with my three-member committee and answered their questions. They asked me about the questions I chose not to answer on the written portion, problems they saw with those I did choose to answer, clarification on some issues, and there were even a few slides shown where I discussed certain issues associated with those particular monuments. This was the part I dreaded the most. I was very, very nervous. I wouldn't exactly say that experience was fun, but I think I handled it pretty well. I was so thrilled when it was over.

I thought I'd do a bit of a recap about my experiences this last semester, in which I read around 260 books and articles, then annotated them, studied those notes, formed opinions about them, and found ways to group them together.

Bad things:

• The stress level is really indescribable. I was not myself most of the semester as I struggled to balance everything.
• Going along with stress, I now have really intense knots in my shoulders and neck that the two massage therapists who worked on me right after my exams spent about 30-40 minutes trying to work out each time. No luck.
• I was more hostile to my dear husband than I ever should be. Fortunately, he understood that my patience level was severely diminished, but still, he deserves better than the wife he had for the last several months. One of my old professors from Colorado once told me that if a marriage could survive a PhD, it can survive anything.
• Sleep deprivation. I'm a person who needs a lot of sleep, and I probably averaged only 7 or so hours a night, waking up at 4:45 am every day and heading to campus to work for 10-12 hours before heading home and collapsing.
• My relationships with family and friends aren't what they used to be. I spoke to my loved ones far less often than I would have liked. Hopefully everyone understands.

Good things:

• I feel like I know SO MUCH more than before my exams. I read more this semester than probably every other semester of grad school combined.
• My committee was very pleased with my work. All three of them are excited for my dissertation and have already started plotting which fellowships I'll be applying for next year.
• I now know I can handle anything. The anxiety of passing this exam, plus teaching, sitting in on a class, taking a paleography course, and preparing two papers for conferences is a really tough load to handle. I somehow made it through. I only had one breakdown the entire time!
• I have somehow managed to lose around 18 pounds in the last three months. I still can't figure out how this happened. Did my brain sap up all of my fat and muscle stores? I suppose I was eating a bit less than normal, but not dramatically less. This is exciting because I can now fit into several old pairs of pants that had been retired for a good year and a half or more.
• I am only a few steps away from being Dr. Cloud. Granted, it will be a couple more years, but after the exams, I have no fear of the dissertation. I'm really excited about my project and about doing the research to accomplish the project.

All in all, it was a pretty good semester. It wasn't too great for my mental health at some points, but ultimately I got through the biggest hoop in the degree program, or at least the one that intimidated me the most. It's a really great feeling to have it behind me, but next semester is shaping up to be pretty crazy too. Still, I know I can do it because I survived this fall.