D-Queen update

I don't think I've shared this one here, but Nick's favorite nickname for me these days is D Queen. I'm guessing you can guess what they D stands for? It's not a negative nickname, not that the D word is making me imperious or anything, but it does render a new sort of status on me. Anyway, it was the best title I could come up with :)

I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to discuss how things are going. I had several questions about my upcoming international travel, adjustments to the time I take my insulin, going through security with dozens of needle tips and lancets, etc. After going over my blood sugar readings, my doctor decided to reduce the amount of insulin I inject each day because hypoglycemia had been waking me up in the night. It's a pretty terrible feeling: heart pounding, dizzy, clammy skin. I usually just eat a handful of dried fruit or drink a juice box and try to go back to sleep. Of course, reducing my insulin led to a super-high reading of my glucose levels after lunch yesterday. Sigh. I just can't win. Another thing we discussed was me seeing a specialist, an endocrinologist, upon my return from Italy.

While I was there, she decided to check my A1c level again, even though it hasn't even been quite two months. The A1c is an average of glucose levels in the blood over a typically three month period. My doctor left me a voicemail yesterday, saying my levels are still too high. She wanted me to try to see an endocrinologist before I leave on my trip.

I've spent most of today eagerly awaiting her phone call so that I can try to schedule an appointment. I was really hoping to slip in during someone's cancellation tomorrow or something, since my family is arriving on Saturday. I called the endo's office as soon as I got off the phone with my doctor's nurse, and they told me their earliest available appointment is April 16. Hmmmmmm. I explained my situation to the receptionist, and she then revealed a cancellation next Thursday in the morning, right when I'm supposed to be teaching. Great. I decided to take the appointment and will be figuring out something to do about my classes that morning. I normally would ask a friend to cover for me, but I've sort of overextended my friends, who are graciously covering a ridiculous number of classes during my trip. I guess what this means is that I'll do some creative rescheduling with my course schedule and will cancel classes that day. It's not ideal, but I don't really have any other option.

Even though things are more in control than they were before I was diagnosed, it's still such a rough, touch and go problem. Things are a little bit different every day. It's hard to tell how I'll feel after a certain meal or if I'll need to treat a low. There are constant surprises and I'm realizing that it just isn't that easy to control this thing. Even when I follow the eating plan figured out by a dietitian, I still spike sometimes, or I'll be starving again only a little while after lunch. My non-carb options are so limited so it makes unexpected hunger difficult to deal with.

Then there are other fun issues that pop up unexpectedly. I finished one of my medications yesterday and my others were also a bit low, so I decide to refill everything at once to stock up before my trip. I get to the pharmacy today and everything is ready except for my insulin. There's a note left by the pharmacist saying my insurance won't let me pick up more insulin until April 6. Hmmmm, I'll be in Venice on April 6 and absolutely out of insulin. This means a phone call to the insurance company requesting a vacation override, which means more days of waiting for that to go through and then another trip to the pharmacy.

I didn't mean for this to turn into a screed of complaints, but I guess it reveals my current frustrations. Even though the diabetes isn't so new to me anymore, I'm still learning about it, still struggling with it, and still wishing it didn't have to be this way. There, I said it. I wish I didn't have this disease. I wish it wasn't the first thing I think about in the morning (is my blood sugar too low? Do I need to go drink some juice so I don't collapse in the shower?) and the last thing before I go to bed (ok, 15 units, prime the insulin pen, ouch!). I am mostly very positive about this, recognizing that there's no point in mourning the fact that I have a chronic illness or denying the seriousness of it. I just tackle it. I just take the medicine and test my blood sugar, and figure out how many carbs something has before I even consider eating it. I don't have a choice. It's better than losing my eyesight or some toes or having kidney disease. It still doesn't change the fact that I'm tired of it.

Geez, if this is what I sound like after only 6 weeks, how am I going to deal with this for the rest of my life??