My First Diaversary

One thing that I didn't mention in my last post was that the Friday that Rhiannon and I spent in New York was my first diaversary.

In diabetes-speak, that means the anniversary of your diagnosis. I think for most of us, it's a date that will be etched in our memory for the rest of our lives.

I was so glad to spend that day with my sister. I'm sure that even if it had been a regular sort of day, I wouldn't have made any big deal of it or thought too much about it, but it was definitely nice to have a distraction and spend time with one of my favorite people. We ate like crazy. There were cupcakes involved. Also, other pastries.

But of course, diabetes never lets me forget its presence. Just like every other day since February 4, 2010, it's that thing that stays at the front of my brain.

I've written so many times about the challenges of this disease to my everyday life. I've written about how it's made me grateful in some ways. I've written about the frustration, the fears and the days when I feel like a failure.

And it's hard for me to even comprehend how different my life was just over one year ago. How pervasive this disease is, how it affects almost all of the choices I make, my thoughts, my future. How much it costs to keep me in good health. The stress it puts on certain relationships. How uncomfortable it makes some people when I talk about it. How frustrated and resentful I sometimes feel towards other people whose pancreases are in perfect working order. How annoying it is when people think that telling me about their aunt Edna who had her feet amputated is helpful in some way.

Ever since my diagnosis, I have been in very good control of this disease. Even when things were frustrating and off a couple of months ago, in the grand scheme of things I have this under control. I always put on a good face around others. I always remember to bolus. I change my lancet fairly often. I test several times a day. I've started working out regularly. I take good care of myself and so far things are absolutely fine.

But it's incredible how slippery that control is. When close friends ask about how I'm doing and really sincerely want to know how things are, I tell them something different than I tell those more casual acquaintances who are wondering about me. I tell my friends how even though in the big picture I'm doing really well (my A1C is very good), it's such a day by day struggle and often even an hour by hour issue. I may start out the day really well, but stress or not getting my carb count right can change everything. That day in New York with my sister, I went low at Top of the Rock but just two hours before I was up near 300 for miscalculating the carbs in my apple danish.

Every day is different. Every hour is different. I'm sure that I will always be in pretty good control and that any complications I will face are far in the future. I can and will have the future that I've been planning far longer than diabetes has been in my life. I'm still me, even though I'm often preoccupied and multitasking. I can stay involved in a conversation while giving myself insulin before a meal. I've even gotten down driving and testing my blood sugar.

My apologies for this rambling post. I would do just about anything to not have to deal with this disease every single day, but it isn't all bad. I've found an incredible online community who faces these same issues, who have done so with grace and empathy, and many have done it for decades more than I have. I'm trying to make the best life that I can, and I will continue to do so. One year down with this ugly disease, but hopefully lots more to go.