One day

Diabetes is a funny thing. When people ask me about it or they find out about it for the first time, I usually couch my response in a way that is sensitive to them. What I mean is that sometimes I downplay it. I talk about how annoying it is to think about everything that goes into my mouth, but that in the end, it's not the worst thing in the world. And that is true, I could have it much worse, but at the same time it just isn't easy. Constantly attached to an insulin pump. Getting upset with myself if my numbers don't go the way I think they should.

So I was thinking about the visibility and seriousness of diabetes. It's mostly invisible, until someone sees me checking my blood sugar or programming my pump, and it is serious even though in a very general sense I am healthy. It's serious enough that insuring my life wasn't the easiest process. Those insurance companies know the mortality rate (although this is good news).

Just how much does this affect my life? I can say how I think about it all day long, that it must constantly be on my mind, but I wanted to see if I could actually demonstrate that, to see if I could document just how much I think about it. How present it is in my life. And my poor husband's. Yesterday, April 19, 2011, I documented every time that this disease crossed my mind. Be prepared. This is lengthy.

Before waking up for the day
12:53 am - Low alarm (70) on my pump. I felt the vibration but was too tired to even look at my pump.

1:24 am - Repeated low alarm (64), this time with noises. Pretty sure Nick had to nudge me to turn it off. Felt fine. Ignored it (TIRED).

2:23 am - Low alarm (64). Actually woke up, annoyed that this was happening, ate two glucose tabs.

4:17 am - Low alarm (69). Vibration only. Don't think it woke me up.

4:48 am - Repeated low alarm (66). Nick woke up to the noises, woke me up, I ate two more glucose tabs.

5:19 am - Low alarm (65). Vibrations sort of woke me up, I dismissed the alert since I felt fine.

5:48 am - repeated low alarm (64). I've already hit my snooze, so I get out of bed. I feel fine.

Morning

5:50 am- unhook pump for shower. Hear it vibrate a few times while showering.

6:05 am - Check to see if I've gotten my CGM adhesive dry enough to get dressed. When this takes on water, it eventually finds its way out. Reattach pump.

6:30 am - Morning pre-breakfast test - 97. Bolus for breakfast.

6:55 am - Do I have everything I need in my diabetes to-go bag?

8:00 am - What does my CGM say? I want more coffee. Wait, I forgot to pack more Truvia packets. Nevermind.

9:45 am - Take a break from writing. Check Google Reader. Read the posts from Six Until Me, Arnold and Me, and Bitter~Sweet. Email check, updates and messages from Tudiabetes.

9:50 am - Hungry....check BG (118) and bolus for a snack

10:45 am - Another break, another Google Reader check. This time, I see the posts from Your Diabetes May Vary and Diabetes Mine.

11:15 am - How is that snack treating me? Check the CGM.

11:20 am - Bathroom break. My pump site is a bit higher on my stomach than normal, so I feel the lovely tugging of my tubing since my pump is in my jeans' pocket, adjust accordingly.

11:35 am - Check of the BG for lunch (128) and guess the carbs in my lunch, bolus accordingly.

11:45 am - My friend with whom I'm having lunch offers me jellybeans. Temptation! I eat 5, and one Jolly Rancher. Give myself a bit more insulin to cover these.

Afternoon

1:30 pm - Another Google Reader check. Read the post from Texting My Pancreas.

2:00 pm - Leaving early from campus today. Check CGM to make sure I'm not crashing before I start driving.

3:05 pm - As I'm mopping the bathrooms (my in-laws arrived last night), I start feeling a bit funny. A bit short of breath.

3:09 pm - Mopping done, still feeling weird, BG check: 59. Time to treat a low. Glucose tabs it is.

3:15 pm - Relaxing while recovering from low. Check email. More messages from Tudiabetes.

3:46 pm - HUNGRY for an afternoon snack (and that post-low hunger is always wicked). Test BG (124) and bolus for a weird snack of potato chips and cottage cheese. Not together, one after the other :)

4:30 pm - Just finished filling muffin tins with cherry wheat-germ batter. Should I taste this part that's on my finger? How many carbs might that be? Probably fewer than 5. Taste away!

5:15 pm - Note to self: Don't forget to change your pump site tonight!!

Evening

6:05 pm - In the midst of dinner preparations, I think how awesome Cooking Light is compared with Bon Appetit because they list all of their carb counts in the magazine. BA, I love you, but I hate having to go to your website, search for the recipe, then scroll down and check the nutrition facts. I understand that you think posting calories and fat is most important, but think of your D people!

6:38 pm - Dinner is almost ready. Must test (118) and bolus (ok, thai shrimp-halibut curry over rice with broccoli rabe - how many carbs are in white rice again? I've looked this up 100 times at least. And what about that coconut milk? That might do something weird)

7:45 pm - Cherry wheat-germ muffin for dessert. Bolus for 33 carbs. Mmmmmmmm.

8:10 pm - Pump site change! Don't forget!

8:15 pm - Nick wants to go to the gym now, after all of that cleaning. This will mess things up for me overnight since I want to go to bed by 9:30. Too risky. I send him to the gym while I keep cleaning.

9:00 pm - Final email check of the night. More messages from Tudiabetes.

9:20 pm - Grab the insulin from the fridge. Head upstairs.

9:30 pm - Get all necessary items from my d-supplies shelf: Infusion set, reservoir, alcohol swab, inserter, sharps container, insulin. Get a NO DELIVERY error message from my pump twice. What is wrong with this reservoir?

9:35 pm - Successfully swapped out the reservoir for a new one.

9:40 pm - Walk back downstairs, deposit insulin in fridge, test one more time for the night: 130. Give myself a correction.

10:10 pm - A bit later to sleep than I'd like, one more check of the CGM: 99 and holding steady.

And that, my friends, is how often I have to think about my diabetes on a typical day. All of this changes when circumstances change, including abnormal highs or persistent lows, when I exercise, when I leave the house for long periods of time, when I'm not feeling well, when I'm stressed, etc. etc. I'm sure I left out a few times it crossed my mind or when I checked my CGM.

But hey, it isn't all I think about, obviously. Yesterday I also managed to get 6.5 pages of a paper written, a few articles read, a bit of research here and there, a few hours spent cleaning my house, two moves on Words with Friends, an episode of Breaking Bad watched, two meals cooked, muffins baked, and 25 pages read of Tess of the D'Urbervilles. Diabetes doesn't rule my life, despite what it might seem like above.