I wasn't very good about writing updates before my pregnancy was public news, but here's one I did write just after finding out about my new little friend. Obviously, I'm no longer 4 weeks pregnant, but I was when I wrote this.
What a busy week! And I knew it was going to be busy, even without the curveball of a positive pregnancy test. I had a postdoc application due, a paper and powerpoint to finish so I could give a practice talk to my department the day before leaving for a ten-day trip to Rome. Phew!
Since making sure my diabetes was in a good place for getting pregnant was so important to me, obviously finding out I was pregnant was not that much of a surprise. But it was still difficult to fathom that this thing that I've wanted and planned for for years was actually happening now. Right now. And I had had all of these anxieties about potential fertility issues. All for naught.
I made time to go visit my primary care physician this week, talked to my endo and CDE to learn about my blood sugar goals (INTENSE!), found a high-risk OB to see, and made an appointment (that morphed into 3) for after I return from my couple of weeks of traveling.
So far, I'm feeling fine, just a little achy. I have so much to get accomplished right now with so many impending deadlines, but being pregnant is all I can think about! And unfortunately right now, that preoccupation is mostly anxious rather than excited.
Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled!! But our current situation was not exactly the one we were hoping for: one of us unemployed, one of us relatively unemployable (PhDs are all work with no guarantee of a job afterwards), money is exceptionally tight, and we have no idea where we'll even be living next year. Throw diabetes on top of that and we are pretty stressed right now.
Speaking of diabetes, my numbers haven't been exactly where I want them. I've had a couple of highs that have made me feel guilty, although they haven't lasted very long. Once I found out my pre- and postprandial goals, I knew I had to make some serious changes. I've already cut out bread because it has given me nothing but trouble.
And now I'm in Rome and there is so little I can eat. No glorious wine, no incredible salumi, no delicious raw cheeses, a very limited amount of pasta and pizza, and the same goes for gelato. I went to a party at my old library last night and was doing everything I could not to be tempted by the amazing spread of food. I did ok.
It's already paid off, though. My numbers since I arrived have been stellar. No real lows and nothing over the 120s after I finally put my last sensor on after a 5-week hiatus (I just don't have any more right now....Medtronic is processing my order). Maybe the anxiety of making sure I have a healthy pregnancy has transformed me into a superhuman. But the second I think that, I know it will all fall apart in front of me.
I know it's a long road ahead, with a million unknowns and hard work to make sure I can provide the healthiest possible home for a growing baby. But at the same time I am so excited. Every time I think about my incredible husband being a father, I am completely overwhelmed with joy and anticipation. We've already been a family for five years, crossing the ocean with us and our two cats. But now we'll be a completely different kind of family, and that makes the future seem so bright, in spite of all of the stresses and unknowns.
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